Dear Diary:

It’s absolutely infuriating! I am flabbergasted that the motives of Vladimir Putin and myself could be so misunderstood and maligned, as we have seen and heard since our absolutely beautiful meeting up in Alaska.

Sure, I said we would not agree to continue our discussions to end the war in Ukraine without a ceasefire in place. And, yes, I also threatened that we, the United States, would impose sanctions so strict on Russia—if we failed to reach a ceasefire—that Catherine The Great would be heard screaming “Rape!” from her tomb. And, yes, we did not agree on a ceasefire, or even a path to a ceasefire that did not include Russia grabbing huge chunks of Ukrainian territory.

But, only you and I, Diary, know the real advances we made in that beautiful summit with Vladdy and his Best Boys. By agreement made during our three hour mini-summit in our presidential limo, if we—the United States and its allies— can pressure Zelensky to approve a deal where Moscow not only gets to steal Ukrainian land, keep the hundreds of Ukrainian children already kidnapped to Russia, and prevent the Ukraine from ever joining NATO, then we get to build a new Trump Tower in Moscow, and a second one in the newly acquired Russian lands in Eastern Ukraine. 

Best to be careful, Diary. If word of this incredible diplomatic triumph gets leaked, the usual crybabies will start shouting accusations, complaints and a whole lot of nasty names.

Most worrisome of all, Diary, it might even hurt my chances of winnng a Nobel Peace Prize.