RADIO ANNOUNCER : New! From the folks who brought you Trump Steaks, Trump Vodka and Trump University, comes the first bible written exclusively for America’s right-wing fanatics. The MAGA Bible features all the great bible stories your families love, plus exciting new biblical interpretations by the man they’ve come to call Saint Donald.

You’ll also find G.O.P. bible favorites you won’t find anywhere else, including: BIBLICAL FLOODS IN BLUE STATES, THE DEVIL IS A DEMOCRAT, BLACK LIVES NEVER MATTERED, THE STONING OF THE OBAMAS, and THE ASCENDANCY OF DONALD J. TRUMP. 

In a MAGA Bible exclusive, Donald Trump argues we no longer need TEN COMMANDMENTS; that FIVE COMMANDMENTS will do. FOUR in a pinch.  First callers get to guess which commandments made the cut? Send in your answer with your order and we’ll Include a frontispiece made up of four-color images of Donald J. Trump and Jesus H. Christ. Both appearing on their crosses.

Donald Trump’s MAGA Bible.  Available for a limited time for only $60! That’s right…$60! Less than you’d pay for today’s special at Mar-A-Lago, the “Rudy Giuliani Stinky Cheese Sandwich.” To order your MAGA Bible and to help save Donald Trump’s ass…dial 1-800-SAVE-HIS-ASS and throw 60 bucks our way. That’s 1-800-SAVE-HIS-ASS!  And do it now.  Operators are standing by. 

God will curse you if you don’t call.