Author Archives: Paul Steven Stone

JESUS IN TRUMP’S AMERICA

      And Jesus went to the desert, looked across the sea of angry American faces and spoke of truths both ancient and new.

      Raising his arms, Jesus declared, “You have heard it said by our Master In Mar-A-Lago, ‘You shall tolerate your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ Let me add that you must first learn to which political party your enemies belong. ONLY then are you fully prepared to hate your enemy, and to also bear false witness, if the opportunity arises” Jesus concluded.

         “And who are these enemies of yours?” Jesus queried, his arms reaching out to ask the question. “Now listen carefully,” Jesus charged the crowd, “Your enemies are those whose skin color is different from yours. And those who speak in a different tongue than you. And, especially, those who worship a god other than our Master In Mar-A-Lago. For your Father in Heaven would not have made your enemies seem strangely different from you if He hadn’t meant for them to be easily identified, even from a distance.

      “You have heard that I said, “It is better to love your enemies than to hate them, better to bless those who curse you, and to forgive those who persecute you.” 

Let me state unequivocally that those purported words of mine were falsely attributed to me in a fake news newspaper story. What I actually said was, “It is better to deport your enemies than to have them living in a house near yours, where they can burgle your treasures and rape your daughters.” And I also said, “it is better to lock them up than allow them to take your low caste jobs. So much better to let their families starve or go homeless than to tie up welfare funds real Americans might some day need.

      “Talk to us about abortions!” a voice called from the crowd.

      “Gladly!” Jesus replied, bending down to pick up a stone. He called to a nearby disciple and beckoned him to bring a basket forward. 

“Take this rock,” He charged His disciple, dropping his stone into the basket. Continuing, Jesus instructed the crowd, “Let my stone multiply in huge numbers so that we have enough rocks to arm each and every angry American. Now all of us clean, respectable Republican males should find a woman, or a clutch of women, whose lifestyle and life choices we abominate and reject as ungodly.” 

 “He that is most pious among you, let him be blessed to cast the first stone,” Jesus called as his disciples distributed the multitudes of rocks among the crowd. “And remember, it is no sin to wound or fully disable a Democrat.

      “You have heard it said that your Father In Heaven makes His sun to rise on the good as well as the evil, and sends rain to the just and unjust alike. That is true, my children, but He never meant for the sun to shine its beneficence down on illegal aliens residing on OUR side of the border.“

         Jesus beckoned the two cameras to move in for a tight closeup, as he explained, furrowing his brow: “Remember, there is only so much love and forbearance to go around. If you spend all your love on those who don’t belong in our country, what reward will remain once they have eaten all your bread, taken every job, slept with all your children, robbed you in your sleep and sent for the rest of their family that remained back in Juarez? 

“No, no,” Jesus exclaimed. “that just won’t do!

“Reserve your love and comfort,” he suggested, “for those with whom you do business, as well as for those you consider brethren and friends.

“Therefore, I say unto you, you shall be rich and comfortable, just as your Master In Mar-A-Lago means you to be.”

      Then Jesus called for questions.

NO MORE

NO MORE will we listen to your lies, those infamies that breed faster than fruit flies and spew from your mouth like the overflow stench from a flooded septic system.  

NO MORE will we afford respect or dignity to those scabrous Republicans who traded their self-respect and integrity for a seat at your table, to nibble on rancid scraps from your leftovers, and pretend they adore you so that their clueless followers will adore them. Theirs is the more disgraceful behavior since you were born the way you are, and they willingly bargained away their souls to become little more than your echo.

NO MORE will we watch you gobble like a pig from the public trough. No more will we watch you—like a squealing pig hunting for truffles—sniff out odious and nefarious ways to turn the people’s presidency into a money-making operation. 

NO MORE will we allow you to denigrate the soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe and free so that sons of millionaires like yourself could stay home safely with their non-existent bone spurs.

NO MORE will we allow you to sow hatred and division in a country that was built on the belief that all of us are equal, and equally deserving of opportunity, security and happiness no matter our religion or skin color.

NO MORE will we allow you to defame and belittle immigrants, nor brutally tear families apart—children wrenched from their mothers’ breasts, or placed in cages—to deter others from seeking out the American Dream.

NO MORE will we watch helplessly as you turn every day of the week into a crisis of Trumpian proportions. No more will we watch—helplessly again—as the self-serving and criminally-inclined sycophants you install in government positions get called out for breaking the public trust, as well as breaking the nation’s laws.

NO MORE will we watch as you make a fool of yourself on the world stage, pushing leaders aside to get to the front of the group, disgracefully sniffing Putin’s fingers for a scent of the power you so envy, threatening to disassemble NATO, the greatest force for peace and stability on the planet.

NO MORE will we watch as you heedlessly destroy the norms, practices and rituals that define our sense of America as protector of our rights and leader of the free world. Nor will you continue to upend the values we share as Americans every day. No longer will selfishness, treachery, dishonesty, cruelty and avarice reign supreme in the corridors of power, nor will you ever again play both jester and king for your sole benefit and delight.   

NO MORE will we accept with stoic silence your description of America as no longer great. We will agree that for the four years of your virulent presidency America’s greatness was darkly dimmed and placed on life support. But in November we will shout “NO MORE” so loudly at the ballot box it will echo around the world, and you will no longer be able to escape your fate as an insurrectionist and betrayer of America’s secrets.

And then, at long last, our national nightmare will come to an end. And you, Donald J. Trump, rapist, business fraud, convicted felon, congenital liar and con man extraordinaire  will threaten our democracy, our constitution, our institutions, our traditions and my fucking peace of mind NO MORE.

And that’s how we’ll Make America Great Again.

A BULLET DODGED

Two fateful bullets were fired this week. 

One bullet slightly grazed Donald Trump, the traitor, the insurrectionist and the GOP’s presidential nominee. Resulting damage appears to be slight, while providing a sympathy bump in the candidate’s poll numbers and a bandage Trump can wear all week to remind us of his heroic stance as a victim of a thwarted assassination attempt.

The other bullet was more metaphorical in nature. Fired after weeks of protracted teasing and coyness by Republican candidate Trump, the bullet struck J.D. Vance, making him the GOP candidate for Vice President on the Trump ticket.  

More salient to the point of this discussion is… who was lucky enough to dodge the bullet…?

 Closer inspection of the event reveals the bullet came close to hitting—but missed, in its deadly trajectory—Doug Burgum, governor of North Dakota, multi-millionaire, Trump sycophant and runner-up to be Trump’s VP selection. Some might call Burgum unlucky to come in second to J.D. Vance but I regard him as supremely fortunate. 

As Jesus famously asked, “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?”

Yes, Doug Burgum or, more accurately, Burgum’s soul dodged a bullet when the serial liar, convicted business fraud, lifelong grifter and GOP presidential nominee set his sights on J.D. Vance.

Burgum had already seriously wounded his soul by swallowing whole his earlier comments about Trump—all pejorative and belittling—and offered when the riches of the world were not being dangled in front of his hungry eyes. Suddenly, lies not only replaced Burgum’s honest opinions and personal insights, but they were waved around like flags of honor, and held high enough for his capo de Capos to see.

By adopting the entire slate of lies and offended righteous air of Trump defenders, as have hundreds of Republican lawmakers, Burgum had already parted ways with his soul which, in the nature of souls, clings faithfully to the path of honesty and decency, but had not yet committed himself to the level of dishonesty and soul damage that accepting a vice presidency under Trump would clearly entail.

That level of dishonesty colors one’s entire life. It undermines every honest relationship, every attempt to guide one’s children by example, every attempt to prove to your spouse or business associates that you are worthy of your place in their lives. Such dishonesty trumpets itself in every word and action you take, because nothing will obscure the fact that every word and deed undertaken under fealty to Trump is unprincipled and self-serving.

Most likely, Doug Burgum was disappointed by Trump’s decision to anoint J.D. Vance. But if you could press Burgum’s soul for a reaction, all you would get, I bet, is a soulful sigh of relief. 

NEW VACCINE PROTECTS AGAINST DONALD TRUMP

Introducing VERACITY VACCINE By Paul Steven Stone Labs. THE ONLY VACCINATION proven up to 95% EFFECTIVE AGAINST DONALD TRUMP’S reckless and unceasing trampling of the truth.

Studies have shown that almost 45 percent of America’s adult population are at risk of succumbing to Donald Trump’s outright lies and empty promises. Twice yearly injections of VERACITY should prevent or totally eliminate normal MAGA reactions to Donald Trump’s deceit-layered behavior.  

A VERACITY VACCINATION IS 100% EFFECTIVE AGAINST:

DONALD’S LIES:  Whether he’s claiming to have uplifted more Afro Americans than Abraham Lincoln, insisting the January 6th insurrection was a patriotic field trip or trying to sell a condo with only 1/3 the actual square footage stated on the listing, Donald Trump’s lies are virtually unstoppable. Worse still, they come at you so fast and furiously, you are quickly numbed to their audacity and obvious mendacity. Chances are, by the time you realize Trump is telling a lie, he has already buried the original lie under half a dozen new ones. 

Now, with our new VERACITY VACCINATION, Donald’s lies are no longer audible. Through the wonders of modern pharmacology, VERACITY renders its users impervious to Donald’s lies, from the largest honkers to the smallest and whitest of lies. With VERACITY your hearing will suddenly drop out from both ears at the first detection of a Donald Trump falsehood. Gone are all promises of a border wall paid for by Mexico. Never again will you have to listen to Donald’s crybaby complaints of witch hunts, political persecutions and rigged elections. 

During the periods of silence that ensue while Trump vomits up lies, falsehoods and misstatements, VERACITY VAXERS will have their choice of peaceful classical compositions, courtesy of Amazon Music, to transform Trump’s typically mendacious rants into melodious musical interludes.

A VERACITY VACCINATION IS 100% EFFECTIVE AGAINST:

DONALD’S GRIFTS AND SWINDLES:  Whether it’s a cheap, repurposed naugahyde-covered bible, or gold-foiled basketball sneakers, Donald Trump always has something new and unexpected to sell you. Maybe you prefer to spend your discretionary income on Trump campaign donations. Well. that’s fine with us. Anything you want, just as long as we get all your available money.

With a VERACITY VACCINATION, you will no longer be susceptible to Donald Trump’s vulgar and tasteless sales pitches. Similar to how sounds disappear at the first whisper of a Trump lie, VERACITY shuts off both your eyesight and hearing instantly upon encountering one of Donald’s sales pitches, leaving you impregnable and unreachable as a sales prospect. Unfortunately, it also leaves you totally vulnerable to the dangers of automobile traffic and various other human activities.

For protection at such moments, VERACITY purchasers will receive a placard—absolutely free!—to hang around their necks declaring, “HELP, DONALD TRUMP LEFT ME DEAF AND BLIND!” 

That’s VERACITY from Paul Steven Stone Labs. Two shots in the arm annually and you can live your life in peace once again.

And that’s the truth!

FORGET-ME-NOTS

by Paul Steven Stone

FORGET-ME-NOTS

(a poem of remembrance)

Some critical facts to memorize

When Truth is mired ‘neath muck and lies,

While all around, cult fever runs wild

Threatening the Future like an unprotected child.

FORGET-ME-NOT, FORGET ME NOT,

Who tried to steal a second term,

Counting lies instead of votes.

And remember who did not.

Recall as well whose sordid deeds

Echoed daily in the news…

Sexual assault, slander, business fraud

All charged, tried and proved.

And remember who did not.

FORGET-ME-NOT, FORGET ME NOT,

Who lacks integrity, kindness or shame,

The morals a president is lost without.

And remember who does not.

FORGET-ME-NOT, FORGET ME NOT,

Who sent a mob to sack the capitol,

Trashing 250 years of American democracy.

And remember who did not.

Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Not

Whose epic Covid malfeasance

Sent thousands to unnecessary deaths.

And remember who did not.

Forget-Me-Not, Forget-Me-Not

Don’t vote for anyone who tried to steal an election,

And remember who did not.