Gather round folks! Step up, step up! Follow the crowd into the famous Republican Big Tent. The near-empty Republican Big Tent, now called the Party of Trump. Also known as The Old White Guys Party.

Following a Democratic National Convention that was, by all accounts, a critical success, the Party of Trump is faced with a minor difficulty when it comes to shaping their message for their 2020 convention. What the hell can they say? 

With rioting in the streets, a virus death toll that refuses to stop climbing, and a government administration that proves its ineptitude, dishonesty and disinterest on a daily basis, it isn’t easy to come up with a simple slogan or campaign theme. Or one solidly good reason why a sane person should vote for Donald Trump.

Fortunately, the party has one specialty of the house designed for just such occasions. Why else would God have invented lying if it wasn’t so Donald Trump could profess his genius and paltry success in a variety of ways?

Covid 19? Trump was successful in preventing the virus from reaching our shores after he stopped a dozen Chinese planes from landing in America. If the Democrats hadn’t raised such a stink about it, he would have stopped more planes and probably prevented America from logging in any Covid 19 cases or deaths.

America leads the world in testing. Though we may have gotten a slow start, we’ve now surged to where we’ve done more testing than any other country on the planet. Of course, with a 7-10 day average turnaround on test results, we’re also first in compiling statistics that have no practical value.

Remember this, if you remember nothing else from our convention! Swift action by Trump stopped the deadly Chinese virus at our borders. For a day or so at least!

Obama would have probably brought home the virus with his Chinese takeout had he still been in the White House.

Cratering Economy? If you forget about the 22 million jobs lost in the first half of the lockdown, the second half job surge of 10 million looks pretty damn good.

A Looming Depression? Not for those lucky enough to own more assets than they can count. Everyone else can expect a slight bump as we hit the accelerated decline. At least, you know in your heart, the Depression would have been much worse under the Democrats. 

Law And order? Black lives don’t matter, poor people’s lives don’t matter, nothing matters except things that make Donald Trump look good. All his missile treaties, his efforts for Peace, his environmental stewardship efforts, and don’t forget all Trump and Company have done for racial relations and social justice in this country! (yes, that is sarcasm)

Trump’s Impeachment? A hoax perpetrated by Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. It’s very possible Joe Biden was the hidden force behind his impeachment. Working for the Deep State, of course.

Four More Years Of What? “Well, we’ll just have to see when we get there.”

And if that doesn’t worry you, you must own a second home in Canada.