Stockholm, Sweden. This year’s Nobel Prize Committee today announced Ron DeSantis as the winner of the 2023 Nobel Prize for Fractured Logic.
“No other candidate came even close,” the committee’s spokesperson declared. “Governor DeSantis, as the prime driving force behind Florida’s new guidelines on teaching racial history in the state’s middle schools, has stepped into world leadership as a proponent of fractured logic. “Pure genius!” the announcement declares. “By defying—and fracturing—logic in its new guidelines, the Florida Department of Education has vaulted Governor DeSantis to the forefront of specious arguments.”
In one bold move, Governor DeStantis shot ahead of Tucker Carlson who claimed the January 6th insurrection was actually a tour group visit to the Capitol. And also eclipsed Donald J. Trump whose logic in declaring his ability to mentally declassify state documents was thought to have stretched the limits in fracturing logic to a new world record.
“Governor DeSantis’ sponsorship of a guideline that insists slavery be taught as an institution fostering skills that later benefitted slaves, has shaken the foundations of logic worldwide and forever,” the Committee declared. To prove the validity of its statement, the Committee pointed out, “…within moments of the release of Florida’s guidelines on teaching slavery, lawyers for convicted felons filed suit in the U.S. Supreme Court claiming victims of rape, robbery and aggravated assault enjoyed untold benefits that were never considered at the time of their clients’ convictions.”
Many of the rapists were said to be hoping for a pardon should Donald J. Trump win the presidency in 2024.