“Step right up, folks. Don’t miss your chance to help send a soon-to-be-convicted traitor to the White House for four years of unbridled chicanery and chaos.
“If you thought Trump 1 broke all the rules, violated all norms, and opened up the U.S. Treasury to widescale looting by the billionaire class, well wait till you see Trump 2.
“The beauty of this election,” New Hampshire officials say, “is the value you get for your money. Because in New Hampshire you get multiple votes.
“Did you hear that?
“Not just one vote, but multiple votes!
“Imagine how you will dazzle your friends! Today, for one day only, you can vote for TRUMP THE TRAITOR at the same time you’re voting for TRUMP THE BUSINESS FRAUD, as well as TRUMP THE SEXUAL PREDATOR and TRUMP THE INCURABLE LIAR. And Let’s not forget TRUMP THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER . That’s at least 5 votes you get when you’re casting just one.
“Just be aware that the Republican Party no longer accepts or acknowledges all votes for their opponents, insisting they would never win another election if they accepted the will of the people.
”So remember, Today is “VOTE FOR A TRAITOR DAY” in New Hampshire.
Did you ever find yourself combing the back streets of memory trying to remember where in your life you had known someone before? Someone whose face, or tone of voice, or singular selfishness stirs vague but incomplete tremors of recognition? Such is the frustrating mental dance I experience time and time again with Donald J. Trump. But then, yesterday, like a bolt of lightning reaching from the sky, the answer struck me in a blinding flash.
This is the guy!
This is the guy too lazy to ever do his homework back in grade school, preferring to bully the smaller, brainier kids into letting him copy theirs. This is the boss’ son, unlikeable and blind to his own failings, who lords his family connections over fellow workers like a badge of entitlement, as if DNA far outweighs the value of competence and performance. This is the millionaire’s son who feels qualified to criticize America’s fallen soldiers as “suckers” and “losers,” even though his wartime medical deferment was a lie paid for by his father.
This is the guy!
This is the accountant whose embezzlement bankrupts his employer’s company. This is the big kid who sat behind you during a test and demanded the answers to questions three and five. This is the snitch whose lies ruin reputations, destroy lives and send innocent people to jail. This is the cashier who repeatedly shortchanges his customers. And the sales clerk who steals and sells his customers’ credit card information. This is the coward who only joins in a fight when the winning side is certain beyond doubt. And the president who lies about the severity and dangers of a pandemic to make himself look good; even though those lies may lead to thousands of unnecessary deaths.
This is the guy!
And, yes, this is the guy who pays others to take his tests. The businessman who refuses to pay his contractors, the father who never remembers his children’s birthdays, the husband who has an affair with a porn star while his wife is pregnant, the president who tells over 30,000 lies during the brief span of his single term in office. This is the president who breaks every precedent for presidential behavior, then cries “political persecution!” when he faces unprecedented legal consequences.
This is the guy!
And lastly, this is the guy who indulges whims as if they were imperatives, cheating on his wives, cheating on his taxes, sexually assaulting women when the fancy strikes him, lying about his wealth to prove his penis longer than the next billionaire’s. This is the guy who believes in a Jesus who never turns the other cheek or forgets a grievance. The guy whose charity extends no farther than the outskirts of his own best interests. This is the president who could not walk away from the presidency without dismantling the underpinnings of our democracy. The president who believes his single election victory gave him lifetime possession of the trappings of his office and its almost imperial prerogatives.
This is the guy who almost single-handedly put an end to 245 years of the American experiment.
When I saw the news and latest updates from Maine this morning, two thoughts came to mind. The first was a word game, where my restless mind took the number of fatalities, 18, and played with it. Thinking about the Bobby Darin song, only transposing its 18 yellow roses into 18 vessels of life, cut short by evil machinations from our political system. Wondering about all the ways there would be 18 fewer things in life, as a result of one sick killer’s murderous acts.
My second thought was this…In the Jewish tradition, the number 18 is called Chai. Chai also means Life. That makes 18 a lucky number. To give $18 is to give two gifts: one the money, two the luck that goes with it.
Unfortunately, for me, after yesterday’s mass shootings in Maine, the number 18, in my heart, has shifted from signifying Life, to certifying Death.
And certifying so much more.
Certifying 18 lifeless bodies, many unrecognizable from the bullets that thoughtlessly tore them apart…
Certifying 18 empty places at multitudes of family dinners, birthday parties, weddings, Christenings, confirmations, town meetings and Saturday morning soccer games…
Certifying 18 empty seats at lifetimes of tennis matches, baseball games, family car trips, Cub Scout Pinewood Derbies, church services, Sunday family dinners, Christmas eve services and Friday night poker games. Living as we do, on an earthly plain, there are also 18 lifetimes of sumptuous meals, inner cravings, fits of laughter, sexual stimulation, minor human foibles, all just waiting to be missed.
The human condition times 18.
Yesterday, you could almost hear the cries of pain as they hammered and echoed across the land. Almost hear the sighs, involuntary and hushed, of the millions who were not touched personally by the tragedy, yet who felt strongly its terrors and anxieties.
Not living in Maine, we were safe from this latest act of domestic terrorism, America’s 556th mass shooting this year! A uniquely American statistic. And an ugly outcome from the Republican Party’s intransigence over gun control, their catering to the gun lobby’s agenda as they struggle to remain relevant and influential in today’s politics, even with their diminishing numbers.
If you’re keeping score, that’s 18 for the NRA and its political shield, the Republican Party. And zero for the rest of us. Which means, of course, that, in the curious way my mind works, zero now also equals 18.
I know. 18 is just a number, and numbers don’t inspire empathy or compassion. But not true for number 18. Not today. Today, that number equal’s 18 American citizens who will never get to run for office, or ever vote again, for that matter. 18 who will pay no income taxes, or get to send children to school. 18 who will never buy or read another novel, never get to revisit Mark Twain as an adult reader. That’s also 18 citizens who will never go to their high school proms, never learn to drive their father’s car, and, sadly, never fall in love for a first or second time. 18 who will never enjoy rounds of golf, joining the Rotary Club, or playing in a men’s basketball league, Tuesday evenings at the JCC.
18 yellow roses were sent on their way yesterday. Pulled rudely from their lives by a man so sick he should have never been allowed near a gun. 18 yellow roses, their rose-like beauty shredded to bloody scraps by the bursts of the AK-15. The sad truth is, we will remember the number 18 far longer than the lives that number signifies: the 18 slants on life, the 18 relationships with God, the 18 struggles for perfection, the 18 realizations of life’s futility, the 18 searches for the Truth, whatever form that might have taken.
Remember the number 18 next time you vote, and let it remind you not to vote for anyone who lists themselves as Republican.
Recently, the thought crossed my mind that America could have been sailing through these latest dangerously roiled waters in Ukraine and the Middle East with Donald Trump at the helm. Trump, the master of self-serving behavior and chaos-inducing leadership would have thrown kerosene on both conflagrations, UKRAINE AND ISRAEL alike, as he searched for any possible means to make both crises about the only thing that matters in his world, HIMSELF.
THANK HEAVENS FOR JOE BIDEN! Under Biden’s balanced and thoughtful leadership, Russia is stuck in a quagmire, and paying a heavy price for its lawless aggression against Ukraine, while Israel has been reasssured and supported in its moment of abject vulnerability, yet forced to temper its anger and thirst for revenge…at least for now.
With all he has accomplished in his two and a half years in office, Biden still remains shockingly disliked and unsupported by a scary majority of the American public. Scary, because it signifies an opportunity for a grifter or demagogue like Donald J. Trump to once again grab hold of the reins of power in our country. I don’t know about you, but I can’t name one single Trump legislative accomplishment during his presidency, besides a Tax Bill that virtually ignored the middle class in its rush to make billionaires like Trump even richer.
Here is a reminder of some highlights from Biden’s tenure in the White House. So far, in his two-and-a-half years as president, UNCLE JOE has… –Created over 13 million jobs, including over 750,000 manufacturing jobs -Decreased the unemployment rate to a fifty-year low -Appointed over 145 judges to the federal bench -Passed the first major piece of gun legislation in 30 years -Signed the Inflation Reduction Act which includes the largest investment in combating climate change -Enabled Medicare to negotiate prices with drug companies (for example, caps the price of insulin at $35 per month).
Biden is not just smart. He is a compassionate human being. Honestly comnpassionate. Weigh the comforting hugs and one-on-one connection Biden customarily offers to victims and their families, in almost any tragedy’s aftermath; weigh that aginst Donald J. Trump throwing rolls of paper towels out to victims of Puerto Rico’s island-devastating hurricane. Or the boorish manner in which Trump attempted to buy off the aggrieved parents of a boy who was accidentally killed by the wife of an American diplomat. The parents, whose child died in a car accident, were here in America to lobby for the culprit’s return to stand trial in Britain for the child’s death. Within minutes of going in to meet with Trump, the British couple came out of the meeting, flushed with anger, outrage, and, possibly, shock to be offered a bribe to go back home and forget seeking justice for their dead child.
If you’re not comfortable with Biden’s age, so be it. But don’t let feckless Republicans convince you that Biden is too old, too feeble, or not as mentally sharp as he needs to be. I trust Joe Biden, as much as one can reasonably trust an American politician. I certainly trust BIDEN enough to believe he wouldn’t run for a second term if he wasn’t fit for it, wasn’t clear in his thinking, or fully confident he could effectively serve out his term.
So far, Biden has accomplished far more than any president in recent memory. He took office at a time of great disturbance and division—in our country and around the world. And he has provided great benefits for all of us us, while stabilizing both our government and our communal family.
To repeat myself, I have great confidence in Joe Biden, certain that he would not commit to another four years in office if he honestly felt he wasn’t fit for the journey. I said it once, and I’ll say it again, THANK HEAVENS FOR JOE BIDEN!
We are in a bathroom in the basement of Mar-A-Lago, world famous residence of Donald J. Trump, former President of the United States of America, bogus billionaire, dishonored real estate mogul, beleaguered defendant in multiple criminal and civil trials, candidate for re-election to the presidency, and CEO of the criminally cited and soon-to-be-defunct Trump Organization. Donald J. Trump sits on the toilet, beige golf slacks in folds around his ankles, staring in shock at the uncluttered bathroom in which he now sits. A bathroom once filled to the height of its crystal chandelier with stacks of banker boxes crammed with mementoes from his presidency, as well as top secret documents revealing military plans and nuclear capabilities of the United States.
Instead of reading classified material as he has been doing until recently, Donald J. Trump holds in his hands the 35-page judgment handed down in a New York State court the previous Tuesday by Judge Arthur Engoran. The judgment, with great malice and prejudice, Trump decides, has found the defendant, Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States, guilty of fraud, repeatedly, across decades, in his dealings with banks, insurers and anyone stupid enough to do business with the Trump Organization.
“MY GOD, WILL NO ONE RID ME OF THIS MEDDLESOME JUDGE?” Donald J. Trump demands in the echoing reaches of the box-free basement bathroom.
“OFF WITH HIS HEAD!” he commands, enjoying the air of authority with which he issued the order. But then another angry thought sails through his mind.
“SONS-A-BITCHES!” Donald J. Trump shouts into the quiet of the empty bathroom, cursing the government lackeys who dared remove his reading material from his favorite reading room. It’s no coincidence that Donald J. Trump has been irregular and prone to constipation ever since the boxes were taken out.
“CURSES ON ALL THEIR HEADS!” he proclaims.
“MAY THEIR CHILDREN BE DRAGGED SCREAMING TO THE MEXICAN BORDER AND PLACED IN CAGES.”
“Oh, I like that,” he tells himself, realizing he just broke new ground in the profanities and curses he can use against the BASTARDS and WITCH HUNTERS that yip at his heels almost constantly these days.
“THAT THESE PIGMIES WOULD SIT IN JUDGMENT OF SOMEONE SO FAR ABOVE THEIR STATION AND DARE TO THREATEN MY ASSETS AS WELL AS MY GOOD NAME!
“OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!”
“WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?” he asks himself.
“DON’T THEY KNOW WHO I AM?” he pursues.
“I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN IN THE WORLD,” he finally declares with conviction. “Yes, the most powerful ex-president America has ever seen. And, in case those idiots have forgotten, I’M THE MAN WHO ALMOST BROUGHT AMERICA TO ITS KNEES.
“ME, DONALD J. TRUMP! I DID IT! NO ONE ELSE.
“NAME ONE THING THAT THAT HALF-BREED OBAMA, OR INTERN MOLESTER CLINTON, EVER DID THAT EVEN HALFWAY COMPARES?
“GUESS WHICH PRESIDENT HISTORY WILL MOST REMEMBER? AND IT WON’T BE CROOKED JOE BIDEN, THAT’S FOR SURE.
“AND I AM NOT DONE YET, so don’t make the mistake of counting me out. Or foolishly betting on America to survive the rematch.
“IF THEY HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET, WAIT TILL THOSE PIGMIES REALIZE HOW MUCH POWER I STILL HOLD, almost three years after I left the presidency. AN OFFICE I WON REELECTION TO, NO MATTER WHAT THOSE CHEATERS AND TRUMP-HATING VOTE COUNTERS MAY SAY.
“DERANGED JACK SMITH and his gang of CROOKED PROSECUTORS know it’s true. Most American presidents are diminished when they leave the presidency. But me—WHEN I LEFT THE OVAL OFFICE, IT WAS THE PRESIDENCY THAT GOT SMALL, NOT ME. Just ask Kevin McCarthy, that whiney ass-kissing Speaker of the House. Or Lindsey Graham who couldn’t even get himself indicted in Georgia.
“Oh, what the hell, OFF WITH HIS HEAD, TOO!
“Just ask anyone if the Office of the President hasn’t shrunk since DONALD TRUMP LEFT OFFICE? Shrunk in stature, shriveled in reputation and ridiculously ineffective IN DEALING WITH WORLD LEADERS LIKE PUTIN, KIM JONG UN OR XI-JINPING. Do you think those HEAVYWEIGHT BRUISERS WET THEIR PANTS WHEN THEY FACE A SENILE AND DODDERING JOE BIDEN?
“AND NOW SOME TRUMP-HATING, RACIST ATTORNEY GENERAL AND HIPPY, POWER-MAD NEW YORK STATE JUDGE WANT TO DESTROY MY LIFETIME’S WORK. WANT TO RIP ALL MY HOLDINGS FROM MY LOVING EMBRACE AND LEAVE ME DESTITUTE.
“OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! BOTH THEIR HEADS!
“JUST WAIT TILL I WIN REELECTION. I’LL SHOW THEM ALL. I’LL SHOW EVERYONE.
“THERE WILL BE BLOOD.
“TRUMP NEVER FORGETS.
“NEVER!!”
Donald Trump, his bathroom activities finally concluded, begins tearing the 35 pages of court judgment into half-page strips, declaring “I’LL SHOW THOSE BASTARDS WHAT THEY CAN DO WITH THEIR F**KING JUDGMENT!”
At which delicate moment, the shower curtain is drawn to modestly block our view.
