Me and the boys were sitting around the Supreme Court the other day talking about you girls. Of course, when I say “the boys,” I also include our group’s honorary member, Amy Coney Barrett, who may not share our gender, but is every bit as fanatical, hard-assed and, yes, manly when it comes to stamping out abortion and a woman’s right to choose.
In fact, it was Amy who declared a woman may have a right to choose her shoes and gloves, even if they don’t match, but not the right to decline carrying a fetus for nine months. That right is reserved for the father of the fetus, whose rights also include choosing not to wear a condom.
Yes, we know that Roe V. Wade was established precedent and law of the land for over 50 years, but what the hay, it’s never too late to put women in their place. Or back in their place, as the case may be.
Also never too late to forget all the lies we told Senators during our confirmation hearings. If you go back and view the videos of those hearings, you will observe me and the boys crossing our fingers when certain questions were asked.
But don’t think we had an easy time making this decision. A few of the girls in the court, especially that Bronx spitfire Sonia, tried to get us sidetracked. They argued that the men who deposited their seed in these criminal women should also be imprisoned, too. Either that or have their balls cut off.
You can bet me and the boys had our legs crossed during most of her argument.
I know some of you might say a woman should have the right to abort her child in cases of incest and rape. “Not our problem,” Justice Thomas said at our meeting, “we already have laws covering rape and incest, and unless women are the ones committing rape or incest, I don’t see any need for us to get involved.”
Some of you may have forgotten that Judge Thomas, a.k.a. Long Dong Silver, was always quick with a judicial bon mot.