UPDATES FROM THE MAR-A-LAGO DAILY MENU (breaking update for Jack Smith, DOJ Special Counsel)

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With sincere regrets, owing to supply chain shortages, we can no longer serve the following:

THE DON’S STOOL PIGEON MARINARA (only available for takeout or storage in our lower-than-low High Security facility in the Mar-A-Lago basement)

Once considered the closest thing to unidentifiable poison, and the ideal retribution for Liz Cheney and other Trump-hating Witch Hunters, STOOL PIGEON MARINARA’s original recipe was developed by Roy Cohn and is the perfect remedy for today’s Special Counsels and Congressional committees. Stool Pigeon Marinara combines three essential ingredients guaranteed to eliminate unwanted witnesses and prosecutors: Dirty Rats’ tails, essence of stool pigeon tongue and Steaming Fresh Donald Trump Bullshit (one pile per bowl). Each purchase comes with a Get Out Of Jail Free card signed by William Barr, former Trump Administration Attorney Geneeral/consigliore.


A longtime favorite of our foreign visitors, Mama Trump’s Nuclear Stew has been permanently placed among the items removed per order of the U.S. Government. Once served with a choice of three spicy varieties: Top Secret, Forbidden Fruits and Insanely Dangerous with Nuts, this favorite dish of Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un, will happily reappear on the Mar-A-Lago menu once the Trump family returns to occupy the White House. 


Imagine our surprise to discover we had run out of the essential ingredients for this Trump family favorite, once the mainstay of our domestic menu. Again, like Mama Trump’s Nuclear Stew, Hunter Biden Bullshit on Toast requires ingredients no longer available once the United States Government interfered with supply line deliveries from Ukraine and China. 


A delectable menu item once thought to render large rooms of legislators and reporters speechless after even the smallest bite. Made from thick slices of forked tongue covered with melted stinky cheese, and streaked with Rudy’s special Four Seasons Sauce, the Rudy Giuliani is expected to return to our menu whenever Rudy’s prison sentence can be set aside in a future Trump Administration.

Again, we apologize for the removal of these once highly popular and profitable menu items. Their removal is further proof, if you need it, that the FBI is running amok over our freedoms and that Joe Biden is a dribbling old man who craps his pants whenever called upon to act decisively. VOTE REPUBLICAN AND VOTE TWICE. That’s the only way we can MAKE AMERICA CRAZY AGAIN.

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PublishAugust 14, 2022 6:36 pm UTC+0

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